Picking yourself Up and Starting Over; Still Dad

This might have a nihilistic bend to it, but life is pain management. The 2nd law of Thermodynamics has it in simple terms – that all matter is in a state of increasing entropy. In other words, Chaos is constant and increasing and not order as you would expect. Bummer!

Why would I start the post on this ‘seemingly’ ominous note? I have been evaluating my life as a father and I have come to the conclusion that sometimes being a ‘good’ dad would mean staying in an unhealthy and detrimental environment for ourselves for the sake of our kids but being a GREAT dad might mean choosing to leave that situation if it no longer provides the conducive environment for both you and your kids.

I recently had to move out of my matrimonial home and leave my children, whom I adore dearly, because the prevailing environment had become corrosive to my mental health and was not benefiting to any parties involved. Gasp!

Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but having to move from constantly having your kids around to having to settle for a phone call a day, on good days, and once in a week on bad days is heart-wrenching and painful to a degree that before was unknown to me.

One of the fundamental pillars of Fatherhood is the pillar of being present – and I am constantly revisiting what being present really means in this current scenario that I find myself in. Does being present purely mean physical/emotional presence or being there for your child in a way that they can resonate with or is it a mish-mash of both?

As I continue to mull over my current predicament, I am learning that Fatherhood is actually a fluid endevour that is purely subjective and so long as our kid’s wellbeing is our True North, then we should and must adjust all actions accordingly.

There are days that I am in doubt and I question myself if I should have worked harder at maintaining the union that our kids had gotten used to for the sake of giving my kids a good environment to grow up in. Research has it that, children who grow up in two-parent homes are more advantaged in areas of esteem and general well-being.

But what I know as a fact is that my kids don’t need just a present father but a sound dad – emotionally, mentally and even physically, I remain on that wellness continuum not only for their sake but mine.
I encourage Fathers, that sometimes we might need to remain on high alert for what the situation requires of us to do or become in order to better serve the wellbeing of our children and that might include, most often than not, choosing your wellbeing over everyone else.

We inadvertently influence our kids by how we act and not only by what we say, and what would we be teaching our children about valuing themselves if they see us killing ourselves for them? would they value themselves as precious or look at themselves as the altar on which their dad sacrificed himself on?

It is said that an ending is the start of another beginning, behold a new chapter in my fatherhood journey begins….Still Dad all the way!

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