Failing at anything is not a good feeling especially when you feel like you’re giving it all that you have.
Failure brings about that tight-knot feeling in your throat as if you’re trying to swallow a tennis ball or the feeling like you have just had all the air in your lungs knocked out.
Failing is not pretty whichever way you look at it.
Very few things in life prepare us for failure like failure itself.
Failure to handle failure has led men into deep depression and addictions and sometimes tragically to an early grave but that same failure has made other men to rise like the proverbial phoenix to higher heights.
Why this talk about failure at the beginning of the year?
It has nothing to do with being a pessimist, which I am not, but rather it is just the current phase that I find myself in.
As a father, I purposed to be a better father than the father I had, and so I invested much into being a father – read books, gleaned from fathers I deem to be doing a good job, watch videos and much more.
But what I was omitting was working on my marriage…
Genesis 2:24, ’…And the two shall become one…’
I have read in several places that excellence in one part of your life doesn’t cover for mediocrity in another area of your life.
It felt like a tonne of bricks was dropped onto my head when my wife brought to my attention that I was nailing it being a dad front but was sucking at being a husband.
Just to digress a little, one of the books I am reading currently by Richard Carlson, PhD. Called ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff’ , talks of not interrupting others or finishing their sentences because this is a clear indication that you’re not listening to them rather trying to think like them at that instance – NOT GOOD!
While I was being read the riot act for dropping the ball, I had to bite my lip as by nature I like to defend myself or at least get the other party to understand my point of view, but listening rather than preparing a response is really a good thing.
Men by nature or is it nurture, are poor at multi-tasking and when we’re engrossed in something we tend to go full on at the expense of all other things.
And as I sat by myself going through my conversation with my wife, I saw the legitimacy in her claims.
That conversation led me to wonder how many other men are doing the same in their marriages or how many more have lost their marriages to such a scenario?
I might not have the silver bullet that deals with this matter fully, but I can propose a few steps that I am taking to ensure that the most important relationship is not tanked by a warped sense of responsibility.
Step 1: Touch Base Often
Naturally things drift towards disorder – 2nd law of thermodynamics. This is not only true in physics but also in relationships, if you do not PURPOSEFULLY seek to connect or remain in contact that particular relationship will deteriorate or even end.
I have decided to work on reconnecting with my wife on a daily basis and in this way get the exact bearing of where she is at.
Step 2: Work On My Communication
First of all, if one of the reasons why you love your wife is because you finished each other’s sentences when you were dating, then allow me to give you a dose of reality, that stuff doesn’t work in marriage – at least in mine it hasn’t.
You have to say what you think, and seek to know what exactly they’re thinking about a subject and don’t assume because you know how she dealt with a certain issue, you automatically have her thinking down on lock – NO YOU DON’T!
So I purpose to seek to talk with her more, inform her where I am and seek to know where she is.
Step 3: Pray About My Areas of Failure
Prayer is sometimes taken for granted. In James 4:2-3, we read about not having because of not asking.
We are who we are now because of the things we have been through, and some of those habits that have brought us to where we are in life are not conducive within marriage and because they have been reinforced over time, forsaking them will take a miracle.
So pray about it.
I purpose to pray about those idiosyncrasies that make me a pain to live with and have faith that God, in his timing and according to His will, will sort me and us out.
I know this list is in no way conclusive and I know our varied experiences will offer a different mode of dealing with this.
So let’s sharpen each other’s countenances and share your views in the comment section below.